Why? (questions in my life)

At night i sit and try
to figure out why?
i have so much pain inside
i live my life in a lie

why
i just don't know why
its so damn hard to try
living a lie.

why
do i
feel like this inside?

why
should i
even try
when i
am blind
of the real me inside?

why
is the truth so hard?
why am i always on guard?

why
am i not filled with joy?
am i just a lost little boy?

why
is everything so wrong?
where do I truly belong?

why
do I always dwell on the past?
in this race i don't want to finish last.

why
is it so hard to make someone proud?
this part i say out loud..

why
do i have tears pouring down
god, when is my happiness going to come around?

ray