Unbearable Pain

Every day I would wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach
Dreading the time when I would have to leave for school
Protesting to my parents that I was to sick to go today
But as usual out the door I went lunch in hand
Slowly walking along the path trying to taking my time
All the while wondering if you would leave me alone today
But deep down I knew that could never happen
Why even bother wondering if today would be any different

I slip into the class room quietly, hoping you won’t notice
My eyes scanning around to see where you are
I spot you in the corner our eyes lock for what seems an eternity
I break away from your cold stare and am left with a horrible feeling
All through class I glance up at the clock watching the hands go round
Feeling worse as each hour goes by as I know what’s in store
Suddenly the bell rings signaling the start of lunchtime
And the start of an hour of torture and misery

As usual you’re waiting for me right outside the door
I try to ignore you walking off to find a seat away from you
But you just follow me along with all your mates
“Hey didn’t you notice me waiting for you?” you say
Picking away at my lunch I pretend you’re not there
“Don’t ignore me b itch” you yell grabbing my face
Im forced to look at you, trying hard to not let the tears fall
But I know I must never give you the pleasure of seeing me cry

For the next hour you make fun of me and taunt me
These horrible words sting me for I never get used to them
But there’s nothing I can do but sit there and let you push me around
Because for everyday that you bullied me you stole apart of my self esteem
Thankfully the bell rings saving me from the hands of you
I pack up my things and rush back inside breathing a sigh of relief
For the next two hours I work hard enough that everything is blocked out
But most of all so that I cant hear the voices telling me how worthless I am

Walking home my feet drag as Im mentally exhausted from the teasing
I go to my room which is my only escape from the world
Pulling out my diary and pen I begin to pour out my heart
Telling of today’s torment but it all becomes too much
I realize that I don’t want to and frankly I can’t take any more
Im sick of being the one they pick on and the one laugh at
So I rip out a fresh page and begin to write my suicide letter

I tell my parents and siblings how much I love them
I tell them that it’s not their fault so they shouldn’t blame themselves
I tell them how thankful I am for them being so great to me
Finally I give my reason for doing this cowardly deed
I write of how every day I was tormented by certain guys
But I leave out the names for they know who they are
And maybe now they’ll regret what they did to me
Because no one should be made to feel so bad that they want to die
Especially not at the young age of twelve

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