I liked it...I just think that you should probably not have it in 2 words each line lol it gets confusing

thank you for the comments

I actually liked this a lot. It seem so much as a poem as it did a really long sentence broken up into little lines. But, for some reason it works well. 5/5

marcella

MUCH BETTER! this poem actually touched me. It was very short, but incredibbly great. I loved the emotion you put into it and as far as i can see you did not make any errors.
Great job,
~stephen white.