I should have suspected, when you, closed the door,
You hadn’t said it, but it was clear, you cared no more,
And when I called you, no one picked up the phone,
It rang for ages, before I left, at the tone…
Sweetie ring me back, when you get chance,
There’s things I gotta say,
When this reaches you, please call back soon,
And that was yesterday.
The vodaphone you’re calling,
May have been switched off,
And the signal’s falling,
I just hope it’s enough,
To wish you,
Somehow knew,
I love you.
How could I have missed the, marks on your arm?
All the tiny scratches from your months of self-harm,
I should have seen this coming, guess I was blind,
And now that it’s too late, the answers I suddenly find.
1)all the punctuation in this poem make it sound choppy. interrupts flow.
2) at the beginning of the poem i thought it was gonna be sort of like an iambic pentameter, but then this whole "middle section" threw me off, and it ends in a totally diff. way. maybe if u stayed consisten in the layout this wouldnt give the readers the wrong impression
what i liked:
1) the rhyming was excellent
2) the ending was eh.. but i loved the begining
3) 5/5 stars!