You never loved me

You said that you loved me, and that you cared,
It was all just a vial deception that blinded my view
A blanket which covered the burning flame inside,
Which blocked my throat and caused me to choke.
Your words to me were like smoke, and in them I drowned,
Squirming around as my lungs started to froth with vile disease.
You voice echoed in my head and made me feel numb,
Unable to think with out breaking down, into dark depression.
The black clouds creeping over me, silently, unnoticed until it was to late-
Too late to run, to late to take cover, just enough time to scream,
A painful; yet silent scream for your help.
You promised to hold out your hand, and allow me to stand beside you,
Instead I grovel at your feet and scratch around in the dirt.
My shaking fingers, nail less and bleeding. Trying to find away to stand,
Trying to pull myself out of the engulfing emptiness spreading within my chest.
You always said that if I needed you, I knew where you were,
So why do you blind fold me and make me search.
Mocking me as I crash to the ground like the tears from my eyes,
Laughing as my heart shatters and my mind is lost. . . .
The current which forces me in circles, pulling me under,
Taunting me as I drown and the water fills my lungs.
Everything is against me, and I’m driven against the world,
Everyone that comes into view of my sorry, glazed over stare-
Is scolded and burned, like your words did to me.
The purple bars upon my wrists remind me of you,
The blood stained bed sheets remind me of the times,
That I tried to get you out of my head for good.
The sodden pillow on which I rest my head, stained with tears,
Which seep from my eyes and tare down my face leaving trenches of pain.
The tears mix with the curdled blood that pulses from my dry veins,
As I lie there in the foetal position, crying a forgotten drone which no one hears.
Every sob as I lie here now, is because of you and what you did to me,
The rusty dagger which you stabbed me with, unable to finish me off.
Now I plead for the end, the end of this darkness,
The end of this life which you have destroyed with your lies.
Just come to me one last time and turn the flickering light off for an eternal night,
So I know its time to sleep, this time not to awake,
But to lie in peace, only then can I forget and start to forgive.

M.H.