My Mask

You think I have a happy life
You think its all perfection
But when I look in the mirror
Pain is my only reflection

I live under my happy mask
And no one can see threw
All I get is laughs
I only wish you knew

But still the real me is unknown
It will forever be
If you ever read this poem
Then maybe you will see

Every day I paint my face
Into someone I am not
I can’t be myself in this place
Or maybe I have been caught

Maybe they do know me
But yet they don’t seem to understand
They all seem so blind...and cannot see
The knife I hold in my hand

So many problems in this life
They are so hard to explain
I don’t understand why I have to go through this strife
Why am I filled with all this vain?

Every night I ask god
Why did you put this feeling in me
Why couldn’t I have the looks, brains, and bod
I feel like a tear lost in a dangerous sea

All my troubles
Never seem to fade
All the pain just doubles
When will my dept be paid?

Everyday I make scars on my arms
And my fingers find their way to the back of my throat
I don’t know why I like self-harm
Maybe this will be the last hole in my boat

I just want to die
I just want to disappear
No longer do I want to cry
Living...is my fear!

To all those who wanted me dead
I just granted your wish
For all the things left unsaid
Those words you will miss

Screw you all
I didn’t have anyone there
No one could catch when I did fall
Did anybody even care?

But for those rare people that did love me
I’m sorry I had to leave
With you...my soul will be
You just have to believe

So these are the words I leave with you
Time can’t always heal
Cause you never could understand
The pain that I always would feel

**Shannon**