Her note: Maybe now you'll understand

This is what i needed to tell you
WHat i always wished I could say
So i guess this time i get to
And i will explain everything today

You see, i always thought of you
As way above my league
Though you would tell me you were so much in love with me

And im sorry i had to break, the relationship we had
But i couldnt go on hurting, and bring you into it like that

So I was on my own with my troubles now
I thought I'd be ok, I thought I'd get better
But instead im fading away

And everyday I lied, and told myself I was fine, I made myself believe that it was my purpose to die

My story, I unfold
It's as if i was my own cult
One to make me suffer, one to be looked down
So everyday my tears would flow, and I'd often almost drown

After this i started to smile more
Be happy and alive
But the secret really was, how i was killing myself inside

First the ciggarettes
And then the herb and pills
And now im snorting powder
I might as well make my will

I was trying to get help
Trying to tell you i was in need
But you didnt realize soon enough
So thats why i wrote this note for you to read

And even now im praying
That the rape is in the past
ANd that i dont end up pregnant
Because i truly would not last

You see i was living my life in fear
Trying to keep sane
But the voices in my head
Were trying to play games

And for a reason that you wont understand
They told me to let go of your hand
They told me i could be free'd
I even believed them too
So please dont think it is your fault
This is something i had to do

I prayed, i wrote, i tried to get help
BUt nothing worked, my body slowly melt
ANd for all these reasons i keep inside
THis is all why i commit suicide