Cant remeber

No matter how bad
I feel like crying
Doesn't matter that I'm sad
I just keep up on the lying

I put out my fake smile
Why not add my fake laugh
Not to much this could be a while
I just keep my tears on the inside

Wait till I'm home
Sit there and soak up her yelling
Then wait till its dark and I'm alone
Sometimes i wish i was little so i could tell I'm telling

Wait till everyone is sleeping
Till i grab that shiny blade
Be tough now no more weeping
The more blood there is the more i seem to fade

Still laying here bleeding
I start to black out
I don't remember the screaming
I don't remember your first shout

Part of me is scared
Yet it makes me happy
To know that i cant remember
To realize i cant fell that pain anymore