i DID NOT waste my time reading this. i was pulled into it. my eyes were glued to the screen waiting what the next line will be. u have a wonderful talent and u are using it wisely. man... u make all of us look bad. ur poems rock

heh..thanx..i liked this one too..especially the main idea of it.flow coulda been better though :/

thanks alot!! :D , ill be putting up a bunch more soon.

great poem long but not boring like some other poems you are a really good writer best on this site i love poems

great poem long but not boring like some other poems you are a really good writer best on this site i love your poems

This poem was hott

OMG!!!!! great poem. best poem i have read on this site!!! this poem made me cry. awsome job, keep it up. check out my poems if you get a chance. take care.
~lilia~

Very beautiful poem. It was very eyecatching and filled with suspense. I can relate to this story almost all the way through. You have a great gift in grabbing the attention of the reader and keeping it.

The only actually thing I can think of right now is your rhyming scheme. Not so much how it is but how much the stanzas show each. You have 8 lined stanzas and a couple 4's. The only thing I can really think of to make this poem better is either making the other 4 into 8's or 8's into 4s. Each stanza should show another part of the poem, in a way its like a miniature story. So you have the 8 lined stanzas that are more in depth with whats going on and the meaning behind it, and then you have the 4 stanzas where its not as much in detail.

Pretty sad that that's the only thing I could think of that was wrong, huh?? Lol Nonetheless this is an amazing poem and I deffinitly look foreward to reading more from you.

-Sincerly, Bryce

BTw this deffinitly deserves it, 5/5

WOW... that's pretty much the only word i can use to describe your poem. I was literally drawn in to the poem. I usually don't read the long poems, but you had my attention form the very beginning. Keep up the good work, I LOVED IT!!!

Good poem!!