Sign Off

I sat online, alone at first, and then I saw your name,
I was ecstatic, to say the least, for I hadn't spoken to you in days.
I instant messaged you, with joy in my heart, hoping you'd been well.
But your response was grave and sad, there was something wrong, I could tell.
You've been diagnosed with a terrible sickness, and are ripping apart at the seams,
The terrible truth, I cannot fathom, I just don't want to believe.
I tried to console you, but my words seemed empty as I spoke,
There was one last thing, I could try to tell you, but the words I could not provoke.
Mental inhibitions, holding me back, unsure of what was real.
I wasn't sure if those words were true, I don't know if that's how I feel.
Debating the lot within my mind, brought anguish to my heart.
How could I be sure, now, that you'd always be there, and that you never would depart?
Our conversation dwindled after the "How have you been?" and "What's up?"
So I almost leapt to take the chance, and tell you of my love.
But still that voice within my head, broke through and screamed its verse:
"You may not love her! Don't tell her a lie! Do you want her to have that curse?"
If I tell her, I might be lying, and if I don't I could be doing the same,
I just can't live with this over my head; I'm stuck within this game.
I try to go back to you, instead of me, hoping that I could just forget,
But all I see are words of departure, "Goodbye!" and "I gotta split!"
Then, breaking through those inhibitions, and silencing that one little voice,
I furiously pound the keyboard, hoping that I'm making the right choice.
But much to my despair, as I send the words, my computer makes a scoff,
Tears come to my eyes, as I read the words, "The girl you love has already signed off..."