My Suicide.

As the long grieving days pass by
Thoughts of my life whirl away
Like a never ending crimson river
Floating by every single day.

Is this life worth waiting for?
I’ve been waiting long enough
I think it’s time to be set free
Because this is way too tough.

Maybe I do have a purpose
Or a reason to be here today
I just don’t care any more
This pain isn’t going away.

Swallowing the white tablets
Make me go on a little longer
This air I don’t want to breathe
Inside, I wish I was stronger.

A cut that bleeds blood red
To go on for another hour
Just to feel calm and normal
Makes me believe I have power.

I’m sick of looking in the mirror
Not finding who I was meant to be
It seems like such an unwashed blur
And the good things are hard to see.

Why is my world so dark and grey
What happened to the old me
I just want to be happy again
To feel the exact same glee.

Why is everything so unclear
Why does it have to be this way
Just leave me the hell alone
I’m sick of trying to stay.

Depression has sunk in deep
I feel so helpless and alone
My inner peace is smuggled
Into a cold bleak stone.

There’s no hope left for me
God isn’t answering my prayers
I’m not sure what to believe in
Or finding someone who truly cares.

Every day is the same thing
For me there’s no purpose
I wish I was never born
Someone who didn’t exist.

Cutting is never the same anymore
It doesn’t feel right nor wrong
I think that it’s seriously time
Here is where I don’t belong.

Things that use to make me happy
I just don’t feel that feeling of glee
I think I’ve come to realize this is it
My time to actually be set free.

Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow
Or the sadness will wash away
But now I don’t care what I feel
And I no longer want to stay.

I’ll give myself a couple of weeks
Just to think things through
If nothing seems to go right
I really don’t know what to do.

So if you find me in the morning
Hanging on a rope
Just know it was for a good cause
That I had no sense of hope.

For me there was just no way out
There’s not much more I can say
So I’ll stand here on this bridge
Waiting for suicide to take me away.