Delectable lifelessness

Can I find myself
that’s a question I plea
can I believe in others
if I don’t believe in me

what is the answer
to my questions of life
are there answers
or am I blind

is there a truth to what I want
do I make these things up because I’m lost
what if life was meant to be like this
what if life was one big test

if so
then where would I go
would I leave where I am now
to just be at another plateau
there are many things I’m confused about
I admit this truly
there are many people I love
yet I must love myself duly

oh life what a great abnormality
normality?
simplicity?
ease?
please...