I don’t know how to put this,
Or how I should explain
The pain in which I will self inflict,
Or what I wish to gain.
If all goes well, unlike my past
Maybe I’ll return home safe and well
But if I get my preferred ending
I beg you not to cry or dwell
How many times I’ve tried to start over
And pretend my soul is content
All the while its withering
Just waiting upon the grim reaper to be sent
I feel like I live my life in the shape of an oval
I can survive the long straits
But then along comes a sharp turn
And suddenly my heart and mind are having harsh debates
I think my friends attempt to help me, but I seem to remain the same
Maybe they don’t understand, or do I not let them in?
I can not decide whether my soul are open or closed doors
Nor can I decide if my face portraits a real or fake grin
The voices in my head are just lining up to be locked up in a mental asylum
They don’t know it yet but one day they will be stamped out of existence
One voice wants me to live, while another wants me to die
One voice wants me to survive the pain, while another wants me to drift off into the distance
I’ve become unknown – even to myself
Yet I don’t know how I ended up this way…
Not sleeping, instead cutting, every night,
Not eating, instead sitting alone, every day.
I wonder whether someone’s screwed me over
Cos I can count lots that have injured my sole
But I’m not sure if they purely drove this decision
I’ve been batted and bruised as if I were an old rag doll
I need to go to sleep, so I will go tomorrow
Get away from the real word,
And catch a bus to hell
I need to end this poem, so you will not know
Who and what has done this,
And why this hidden devil fell.
