I am a disapointment

All my life i have,
disapointed you.
and now my life has turned a corner,
i do not no what to do.

drinking smoking,
laughing away.
is it the real me,
no it is just a mask during the day.

for i not with friends,
and i am away at home.
i sit and think all of the time,
i feel dead and alone.

the world is crashing down around me,
i wish that i would die.
and then everyone would be happy,
and i would not be living this lie.

if only my parents cared,
and would see me as i me.
i wouldn't need a knife for support,
and from this depression i would be free.

please comment