Farewell Note

I stand here with this cold steel blade,
trying to fight off the fear.
Understanding why I'm doing this,
I feel the blade move near.
The stinging cold revives my pale skin,
I know what I'm doing,
I'm doing it again.

I stand in an empty kitchen,
the motor of the fridge can be heard;
papers strewn here and there,
trying to find the perfect words.

I stand alone in my desperation,
wanting to be heard.
People say that I'm loved,
but I know that's absurd.
This is my only true chance,
to make things right.
To stand up for myself
in this cold barren night.

As I push closer and deeper into my chest,
I hear the sound of my parents waking from their rest.
"Should it be now?" I ask myself quickly
as I grip the knife tight.
Sweat rolling through my fingers,
dripping onto the knife.

I hear a creaking sound in the other room,
I'm not sure what I should do.
I don't want them to walk in now,
and see me doing what I'm about to do.

At that moment I realize I feel.
I feel compassion for another person,
and it feels real.
The agony and loneliness that I've felt all this time,
seems to have faded now when I realize I'm truly alive.

I put back the knife and grab the note,
run into my room and read what I wrote.
Upon the paper in my hand I see words strewed,
words of pain and sorrow, words which viewed:

"Dear mom, dear dad and sis,
I know that when I'm gone I'll be missed.
But this is the only way,
the only true path,
I feel like I'm alone in life
no matter how hard I laugh.
Some days I want to cry,
others I want to drift;
some days I just sigh,
and others I sift.
I'm sorry that it had to be like this,
I really, really am.
But now that I've made my decision,
this is how it must end."

A tear rolls down my cheek as I lay afloat,
"I cant believe I was going to do this" I say,
as I crumple the note.
What has life become in these past years?
How could I become a victim of my own fears?
I turn off the light and fall asleep in the cold,
wiping away memories of all that I've known.