ReaL Me

You all think I have everything
You think I'm happy
You think I'm fine
I have many secrets
and on the inside I'm dying
I want to say goodbye
Leave all the pain behind
I don't want to live this life
Full of pain hurt and destruction
The world is so black
people say talking helps
but why must I talk?
and who will listen?
Who will care?
I don't want to brake down these walls I've built
I don't want to get close to anyone else
I've worked so hard on hiding how I feel
Hiding what I've done
but the past is catching up to me
Memories keep me locked inside my head
drowning me in sorrow
the pain too much to take
For I know nothing except it's too late
I've fallen way too far to be saved
I'm trying to brake free
To you I look so happy
Don't I?
It's all just an act
I'm too scared to let the real me show
Scared to lose what I have left
I must admitt it's not much
but if I do let the real me show
I will have nothing
Nothing but people feeling sorry for me
and trying to help the way I feel
You can't change me
I can't even change myself
I'm worthless, I'm hopeless
and I'm all alone
Trying so hard to make it throught this life by myself
I am nothing more than dirt
well that's how I feel
I am numb to all feelings but two
Pain and the love I have for you
I feel as if you've taken everything I know
My friends don't talk to me anymore
F*#K this world
F*#k you all
I hate you, yet I miss what we had
What has changed between now and then
I am nothing but a shadow to you
You don't care how I am feeling
You don't care that I have nothing
I am so empty, so cold
Surrounded by pain that never eases
Scared to death about living
So many tears have left these eyes
Still no one sees your slowly killing me
I keep on smiling this fake smile
and Laughing this fake laugh
so no one notices the pain
Yet I wish someone would
Inside I'm screaming for help
Trying to break free of the emptyness
Why does living hurt so bad
You tell me not to give up
But how can I go on
You don't really care
I'm just there when you have no one else
Overcome by anger for what you've done to me
I want to hurt you so it doesn't hurt
but I don't
and I can't
this pain runs so deep inside my body
no one understands why
no one understands me
the real me
No matter how hard you all try
You'll never understand why blood brings my happiness
and why I hate myself so very much
It's all to complicated
I don't even know myself
The pain I feel has no known source
it seems like it's always been there
and always will be
I honestly can't wait for my death
That could be my reason for living, to die
For nothing in my life is going to be alright
Sometimes I sit and I try to cry
I can't, no tears come out
It's then I wish for someone to talk to
For some kind of relief
But I can't
I must hide the real me