Fighting Back The Tears

Written 2.00 am before my grandma's funeral

Fighting back the tears
As they rise into my throat
Filling up their spaces
In this torn and battered boat

Today I must be strong
Just for today, I've got to cope
I can't break down, no not today
Even though I've lost all hope

Eyes swollen as they sting
From a million salty tears
Clenching my fists, the pain inside
Heightened by my fears

Body numb, legs are weak
I'm stumbling as I stand
Mouth so dry, cannot speak
My nails digging in my hand

Trying to stand alone
As everything around me falls away
My life, crumbling in my hands
Must hold on for another day

Clinging silently to my pride
Yet longing to scream and shout
Holding back so many emotions
My mouth's open but nothing comes out

Feeling so unsteady now
Unstable on my cold feet
My face a pale shattered complexion
Cannot bare to eat

Cannot sleep, nor even eat
I just sit here in my room
Sat in the same old dusty corner
A dead flower waiting to bloom

But today, I must be strong
Even though I'm falling apart
I've got to do it for my mum
Got to carry this bleeding heart

Just today, please give me strength
To stand there by her side
To be strong enough to smile
And wipe the tears she's cried

Today I will muster up courage
I'll do my very best
I'll gather all my remaining strength
I really hope that there's some left...

Any comments would mean a lot as always