By the time I was 11, I was drinking every day,
Vodka and some lager, thought it was the only way.
At 12 I started swearing, and bunking off school.
Don’t know why I did it, guess I thought I was cool.
Got into some trouble, but didn\'t really care,
Thought I was a ‘rude-girl’ dyed my hair.
Cigares ruled my life, could smoke 15 a night,
Didn’t care what they said, I knew I was right.
My mates offered me pot, didn’t want to say no.
Tried it once, then smoked it whenever I was low.
At 13 I was still on pot, and sometimes E’s too,
I knew it was stupid, didn’t know what to do.
Got into fights just to prove I was strong,
But on the inside I knew I was wrong.
Teachers tutting, and shaking their head.
Didn’t want to teach me, suspended me instead.
Sitting all alone, just waiting for time to pass,
Got back to school, was the fool of the class.
Stealing sweets for the shops, sold them to another kid.
Smoking and drinking the profit that night, in the bushes we hid.
When I was 14 something happened which really made me think
I stopped bunking off school, gave up the drink.
Grandad died, thought i had no reason to go on,
Cut my arms with a sharpener, said nothing was wrong.
Then I realised I had to change my life, or I would end up dead.
Stopped smoking drugs, stayed home instead.
Decided to give it one more go and prayed I could do it.
Still got into fights and often got hit.
Took so long to prove I could be good,
None of my mates understood.
They still did drugs, we drifted apart.
Got excluded from school a few times, broke my nans heart.
_at 15,Fell in love with a guy, well at least I thought I did,
When he got angry, I ran away and hid.
Carried on trying, but soon gave in
I wanted to be good, didn’t want to sin_Thought I could make it better by taking some pills,
Not drugs this time, but this pill still kills.
Take them in the morning, takes it all away
No fags, no drugs, just up to 14 a day.
Don’t care if it kills me, don’t care at all
Done stupider things, made me feel small
When I think of what ive done
Makes me think what will I become?
So now you know why I am why I am
Don’t tell me to do better – im doing the best I can! _
