My Advice to you

I’m going to give you a list of advice
Advice that I did not receive
And learned on my own
Number one
Caffeine does have an affect on you
Do not drink 5 cups of coffee
Just to see if it can keep you awake
Because you might find yourself
In a gay bar
With some girl name Sweet lips
Telling you, you move like a pretzel
While you are wearing a captains hat,
A leather strapped suit and holding a paddle.
And everyone addressing you has “Captain Spanky”
Number Two
Do not think all doors open automatically
Because some are not automatic
And still have to be opened manually
You may be going for an interview
Assume that this door is going to open for you
You walking into it
Face first into the glass
And you loose you eye
And this very hot guy comes over to you
And says “I think this belongs to you”
And he hands you your eye.
You may not get the job on pure stupidity.
But you do get a date with some guy named “Dammar?”
Number three
A light bulb can burn you
Do not assume that when you turn it off
It’s not going to be hot
Because it will be
So did not take a light bulb out
And then place it on your sister’s arms
And ask “Tell me, is this hot?”
Because I assure you
It’s hot.
Number Four
Just because a car looks like yours
Does not mean it is yours
Do not try to open the car
Do not call the police to help you open it
Do not ask the owner of the car to help you
You may find yourself in a sticky situation
You may be taken to jail
Hand cuffed to a women name “Putang Mama”
Waiting to be bailed out for 6,576 dollars.
Number Five
Do not wear long sleeves while cooking
It would be a bad idea to wear
A long sleeved shirt the hangs down while cooking
You may find yourself asking
“What is that smell”
Or
“This must be a different brand of bacon”
Or
“This smells different”
You may also wonder where this extra smoke is coming from
And realizing you have caught yourself on fire
You start beating your sleeves on your body
attempting to put the fire out
But you manage to catch your shirt on fire
And run outside in the snow
And tell everyone you were just making a snow Angel
And you have managed ruined your know Shirt you got for Christmas.
These are some advice I can give you
From experience
So be safe out there.
Oh and one last thing
Do not stick your head into a Pumpkin Lantern for Halloween
Because there is fire in there
And you will get burned
Thank you and have a nice day.