Feel This

These past few months have made me realize how much I care about you,
but I never did tell you, you never knew.
I regret those times I didn't grab your hand,
I'm sorry for the times I didn't kiss you.
I wish now I could tell you how I feel,
help you to recognize that what I feel is real.
You were my first, and hopefully my last,
but I don't think you have feelings for me anymore.
Sometimes you don't even say hey,
and I can't tell you how much that hurts me.
Everytime I see you my heart breaks all over again,
Falling into a bottomless pit, shattering.
I hate crying over you, but I do.
And sometimes I wonder if you have too.
Then I get this feeling of wanting to hurt you back,
Give your face a nice hard smack,
Cut through your chest and rip out your heart,
Then dry my hands as if I did my part.
But that won't do, that doesn't come close,
to the pain you've caused me.
The pain that breaks my heart everyday,
And no, I'm not okay.
My outward appearance is fine, but on the inside I'm dying,
slowly disintegrating and collapsing to pieces.
Burn my body, turn it to ash,
Choke my throat, deprive me of air,
Slit my wrists, watch em bleed,
Tear off my flesh, like an overgrown weed.
Any of these I can handle, without a doubt,
but not when you ripped out my heart,
that's when you went too far.
But you won't get the satisfaction of seeing me hurt,
I'm not gonna let you see me crumble to pieces.
As much as I care for you,
I hope someone hurts you too.
Worse than you did me,
and then maybe you'll see,
why it's this murderous person I have to be.