I liked all the rhymes except:
"I’m being allowed
To lose myself
And my mind in a cloud
Nothing’s right
When me, it involves
Everything’s wrong
And life slowly dissolves" I thought the cloud one was a bit weak, if only because it took too long to get it into that sentence. The second stanza thing was sorta weird, I didn't get a good flow out of it. I was really impressed by the rhythm of this poem, it definitely works out well. Also reminds me of a certain song... ;-) I don't think the song was quite as sad though. Good rhyming, especially near the top and the very end.

I had no idea there was a song that sounded like this...

OMG OMG OMG!!! I love this poem, it is so beautiful and so kool at the same time!! i love the flow, its smooth and beautifu!!! yeah! Go Lance!

Like yeah, it's like, OMG ya know. Like totally rockin' Lance. Go Rowr Go!!

But seriously, its cool. I kinda liked it how it is. I gues it is a bit wierd but, you are too so its all good :-D

Aken Sol