This is really good..Sad...Keep on writting okay!

I like what you are writing about.

The structure is very irractic, and i don't think it's done with any special intention. The flow jumps from one beat to another without reason and there is no metaphor...no strong descriptive movements.

Philisophical, and i love that...but i think it needs a second or third draft.

Thank you very much for your imput both of you. i will try to work on those things Kevin. I thought i was doing a decent job...and this poem...i stuck away from metaphores, i am tired of metaphores that i write and no one gets them, this one i just wrote it and that was it.

Emotion...well i lack that.

Philosophy is never something i am bad at as of late.