I Was Strong

*Sorry this poem isn't very good, I didn't really know where I was going with it, until the end*

So many tears fall every night
It feels like nothing can put this right
All of this has been said before...
I don't even know why I write anymore

These poems so full of weak despair
Sadness, loss and a lack of care
They seem to be my only release...
But even they don't bring me peace

I've had to give up so many things
My hope won't stay whilst sadness sings
Can't go to school, they say I'm too ill
Days spent at home, popping two pills

Most of my friends have walked away
Growing so lonely day after day
So thankful to those friends who have stayed...
Someone must have heard those nights I prayed

Insomnia plagues me every night
Tears, fears and the same old fight
M.E clouding my strength in the day
Letting Bulimia have it's own way

Thyroid disease that pulls me apart
Depression for years, can't remember the start
Family arguements and fights when I was young...
A shattered soul torn and undone

So many problems to deal with each day
A close friend buried yesterday
Yet still I stay here clinging to life
And for three days now I havn't used the knife

Although I've been suicidal for over 3 years
I know there's something keeping me here
Because after all the sh*t life's thrown at me
I'm still here...and I'm still me

You called me a coward in my time of despair
But I've realised your wrong, you're never there
In the times when I just curl up and cry
In the times when inside my own head I die

Everyday I cope with much more than some
If I didn't have strength, then depression would have won
If I didn't have strength then I wouldn't still be here...
Even the brave still have their own fears

You don't know what it's like to battle in your head
With one siding wanting life, the other wanting you dead
To physically prevent yourself from harm
Whilst wearing scars upon your arm

Even though now, yes, I'm as weak as can bee
I wanted to show you, I want you to see
That once I was strong, even though it was in the past...
That once I held hope, even though it didn't last...

I know now what I've been trying to say:
I had strength once because I'm still here today!
And maybe one day that strength I'll regain...
Enough to help me stand, and fight once again

Any comments would mean so much x