well done really strong feelings n it gets the message across, well wrote !!! x

Hmm the beginning bit was great, I felt really into it, but the last paragraph, it’s sorta seems a bit thrown together, like the last line was only there because you couldn’t find anything else to rhyme with it. Try using a different rhyming word in the last paragraph because it lets it down a bit. But like I said, the beginning bit I thought was really good