Past and Present

Sitting in my room thinking of my new love...looking at his pictures,thinking of his sweet voice...though we've never met face to face i feel so much for this man.

But i keep thinking bout my past...my first love...how happy we were together and how we could be together now except for my stupid ways.

Even tho i burned all his pictures and got rid of his clothes...and let my new puppy have his stuff animal...i hear a song on the radio.

All those sweet memories of him and i come back...this song about death...his destination,but hes so young he doesn't deserve to die,even though i think i hate him,i still have these strong feelings and i thought i was really over him this time after 7 months of us being broken up and him hurting me so bad. these stupid feelings of mine wont go away and all i do is get depressed and want to cut more and more. and pick up that phone and call him to see how he is but i am to scared to do that,because his new love might answer or something horrid like that...i just wish i knew how to control these feelings because i want to move on.

I want to move on with my new love and forget about the old but i don't think no matter how i hard i try,i will never forget my first love and wondering if he is still alive but for now i will just take as many sleeping pills as i got and try to sleep...maybe not waking in the morning...so i can sleep peacefully for the rest of my life and maybe see him again and be in his presence once again.

*sorry this isn't one of my best [and sorry how it changes kind of] my feelings were just going crazy the other night,and i thought i could submit it,so PLEASE RATE AND COMMENT,tell me what you think,thanks*