Sick And Tired

I'm sick and tired of your daily insults
And your ways to put me down
Criticism for every little thing that I do
Resulting in this frown

Criticism for whenever I try to eat
And more when I refuse
You're so angry all the time
A bomb that won't diffuse

All these insults rebound inside
I already feel bad enough
Without your hatred fired at me
I'm sorry I'm not that tough

See you make me feel like I should go
That you'd be better without me
Because all I've ever wanted Mum
Is for you to just be happy

Nothing seems to make you happy
Even attempts at suicide
Life nor death seems to make a difference
Even though I've really tried

And you're filling me with guilt...
When I think I've done no wrong
And you're wearing me down...
When I'm trying to be strong

Yet then you say how much you care
How you want me to be well
Maybe you're just unaware
That you're adding to my hell

See all of this is confusing me
I don't know what you want
You insult, then tell me that you care
You're like a mystery font

I want to give you the benefit of my doubt
That maybe you don't know
When you insult me, scream and shout
It makes me feel more low

I've thought before that you might be
Trying to play some game
Where one minute you tell me that you care
And the next fill me with shame

I don't know, but I can't bear to think
That you intend to cause more pain
So I tell mysef you're just overly stressed
And not playing some game

But the thing that really scares me...
Is the way you feed that side
That side of me that wants me dead
That side that makes me hide

That side that makes me overdose
Whenever it takes conrol
That side that seemed to come from nowhere
And tore apart my soul

That's the thing that scares me Mum
That side needs to be surpressed
Not given more ammunition to fir at me
It needs to be put to rest

I can only just keep that side at bay
With my own inner self hate
I'm scared that with your hate it'll stay
And then it might be too late...

I'm really just trying to stay alive
But you're making it really hard...
Please...please help me survive
And not make my strength more scarred

Any comments would mean so much right now... x