Consequences hurt so much...

I know this really is very long but please read it. It is a true story, happened on the 20/12/04, just 5 days before Christmas...

I take the blade to my wrist and I'm cutting,
Before i even know why,
After i had stopped for so long,
From the truth i just want to hide,

Please don't face me with consequences,
I'll loose all that I've got,
My 3 girls and my boyfriend,
Without them I'll loose the plot,

Why am i cutting still deeper?
I myself don't understand,
I have never seen my blood so bright crimson,
Will someone please hold my hand,

I know there are at least four,
Who onto my hand they would hold,
I know there are four people,
Who would never leave me out cold,

But you see now i am making,
A long red mark on my wrist,
I have made them longer and deeper,
But nothing compares to this,

God i wish it would stop bleeding,
For i realize i have to stop,
It's spilling all over my arm now,
Running from bottom to top,

They are holding my hand tightly,
The voices of friends in my head,
They tell me to please put the blade down,
Before i wind up dead,

So i rest the blade on the side,
Actually hide it away in my drawer,
As i stumble over to the bathroom,
I try to stop my blood hitting the floor,

A single tissue clamped tight to my wrist,
I hold it with my free hand,
It's ragged and tearing and bloody,
Like the skin across my wristband,

God how i wish i could clean,
The blood off the bowl of the sink,
The thousands of tissues blocking the blood,
The sight brings me close to the brink,

I stand with my hands gripping tightly,
To the sink, just in my grasp,
I'm standing and gagging and shaking,
How did i get to this i ask,

Trying to flush the down the toilet,
The only place of disposal,
It's always so easy to make a mess,
The tidy-up is the hard proposal,

Sat in my bed i am writing,
Wrist with a tissue at it's side,
I don't want to know how i got here,
I just want someone in whom i can confide,

I look at my phone, just one text left,
Just my luck, what surprise,
I have to text Jo cause i promised,
I need to stop telling lies,

Can't rid the foul taste of blood,
That once did seem so sweet,
It won't disappear from my taste buds,
God i want to scream,

I briefly explain that I'm sorry,
I tell my worries and conscience to Jo,
She text back with words that helped me,
Telling me i wouldn't loose them, they wouldn't go,

God if you just knew how that helped me,
You'd give her the life that she wants,
You'd make her forget all her worries,
And make her forget all her haunts,

Meanwhile i am still shaking,
Scared of when my boyfriend will see,
He'll think that i don't love him,
He won't think that he helped me,

If only he knew the truth,
And saw it when he saw a fresh mark,
Maybe then he could forgive me,
And i won't loose my shining star,

Lucy when she sees I'll be history,
She gave me one last chance,
And now I've gone and spoilt it,
No longer shall i dance,

I'll see the fear back in Lisa,
The fear of my cuts and slits,
I wish i could just not tell her,
And just help her see bliss,

I know Jo will be upset,
It's clear from what she said,
I wish i could erase the text i sent her,
But her kind words lie in my head,

I still feel my heartbeat,
I still taste the blood,
I still smell the toilet,
Worse than sewers in a flood,

I still see the blades,
And i still hear the cuts,
I wish i could take it all back,
Consequences hurt so much...

**Yes i can still taste the blood. Thank you for getting to the end.**

*All votes and comments greatly appreciated as always.*