Ever since i was 4 i can remember the fights that they had
the yelling the screaming
the words that they said
as i got a little bit older i realized that we weren't a family
not like the others
everyone else's would go to the zoo
or for a family drive
not mine
my family fought
my dad drank his vodka straight with a little bit of ice
mom cried in her bed room
saying she never had any thing nice
daddy would yell for mom to shut her mouth
mom would yell back for him to leave her dam house
dad would yell back that he was watching the game
and mom would cry some more
as i stood their and felt their pain
all the kids i knew
looked up to their parents
they were heres to them
nope not mine
mine weren't at all
as 8th grade came by
mom got worse
and dad drank more
daddy would shove mommy
against the floor
mom would take it
dad would kick and punch
as i watched from behind the couch
wondering what he was gonna do to me
some families mean everything to each other
others mean nothing
my family had no feelings for any thing
no feelings at all
mom decided she had had enough
she packed her bags
and left us
in the middle of the night
i watched her as she turned off her car lights
it was like she went into stealth mode to leave the drive way
i only feared what i had to come home to from school that day
some families have great holidays
some families share it all
not my family
walking in the door
my father filled with rage
threw the vodka against the wall
and i tried to run away
he grabbed me by my hair
back handed me real good
threw me against the wall and called me names
asked me where my w-h-o-r-e of a mother went off to
and for me not to play mind games
i told him i didn't know
he told me I'm a lying
he held me up by my throat
and told me to shut the f-u-c-k up and listen close
no one ever loved me
even the day i was born
i was gonna be abandoned
right there in the middle of the road
he told me he hated me
and he wished that i would die
and right then tears poured from my eyes
i called him a f-u-c-k-i-n-g bastard
and told him to put me down
my fathers eyes filled with rage and as he punched me again
i wondered what was next
i wondered if he would hit me until he had put me to death
i asked him what the h-e-l-l his problem was
why he was a son of a b-i-t-c-h
my dad just looked at me and told me that i wouldn't be missed
i was 13 when that occurred
and i realized he was right
because that night at 11 o clock
i didn't even think twice
i left him a note on the bathroom mirror...even though i don't think he would ever look there
i told him that i hated him too
and he made my life a living h-e-l-l
and i would hide from him
and his rage too
i told him he was an a-s-s-h-o-l-e
who never amounted to nothing
and with one more piece of tape on the bathroom mirror
i slit my wrists and wrote
PS...i didn't think i could make it to your bed room...so thats why i left the note here
