I always Do

I'm sick of all this S*#t
I don't know how to deal with it
Don't you see how much you hurt me
I know that you don't mean to
It's a never ending cycle
You leave me lost and confused
You're my brother, I'm supposed to be there for you
But I can't do this anymore
I'm so scared
No one understands what started this hell I call life
They all think my families perfect
If they lived in my house for just one day
If they stood in my shoes
Only then they may have some idea why I hate going home
At home I lock myself away
Somewhere I can be alone
Somewhere away from this hell
I try to fight this pain I feel
but it never goes away
Then one of my best friends
My sister, the one I looked up to
She had an affair
It ripped and tore my heart into little pieces
The walls I had built shattered
A few weeks later I started to cut
My only happiness came from my friend
Then she too left
I had nothing
I was alone with no one to turn too
No where to run
My scars kept getting deeper
I wanted to end it so bad
My life was worthless
I was hopeless
I tried so hard
But I couldn't build up the courage to end it
I'd just have to live through the hell
I kept on cutting
Hoping by accident I would cut too deep
I would fall asleep and never wake
I was smiling on the outside but that was one big joke
I was tattered and torn within
Then came along an angel
He seemed to be my only happiness
Other than my knife
You got to know that, that boy saved my life
I still cut
He didn't have a clue
I didn't want to hurt him
But in the end I hurt him twice as bad
He found out by seeing my scars
The look in his eyes killed me
I saw pain and confusion
I never wanted to see that again
But my life is a living hell
I'm sure I'll disappoint him again
I always do