My Heart So Bear At Christmas

For anyone else who is feeling bear at Christmas this year...

As you drive past the windows,
Of houses glowing bright,
Each one of them all festive,
Lighting up the night,

As you sit on your window sill,
The houses in the street,
All look positively festive,
Lights reflected in sleet,

Children in the houses,
Wait for presents galore,
They sit waiting for Santa,
Maybe he’ll come to the door,

But as I sit here and watch,
Them all smile and laugh,
All full of the joys of Christmas,
But I don’t feel even half,

I feel my heart beating,
It seems chilled to me,
I don’t see the happiness,
That the others, they see,

Tinsel is nothing more,
Than a horrible mess,
In my head no tunes,
Of Christmas happiness,

The crimson scars on my wrist,
Are the only decorations,
No light in my heart,
No joy at seeing relations,

I no longer look forward,
To unwrapping my gifts,
To eating my sweets,
And smiling at all this,

It will all be so fake,
A mask of Christmas past,
I hope this frown and sadness,
I hope that they don’t last,

I love my baby,
And yes ill think of him,
And all his Christmas joy,
And his festiveness within,

How he knows not of this,
For I have not told,
And I have no wish,
For me to sell my soul,

So now I see tomorrow,
I see presents and I see masks,
I see my sisters look at me,
Why look like that they ask,

I look like I want to,
You may not like the black,
But I don’t have to put on this mask,
Festive joy I do lack,

Ignore me in the corner,
With my arms around my legs,
Bands cover my wrists,
And the marks from which I've bled,

As you drive past the windows,
Of houses glowing bright,
Each one of them all festive,
Lighting up the night,

But as I sit on my window sill,
The other houses there,
All look positively frightening,
To my heart so bare.

*All votes and comments greatly appreciated as always.*