Sweet Addiction

I have a sweet addiction,
that no one knows about but me,
my happiness is all fiction,
but the one's around me are too dumb to see.

Everynight before i go to bed,
i sit down take a deep breath and pull out the razor blade,
i watch as everything around me slowly turns red,
and my visions slowly fade.

I wake up the next morning,
with a numb intensity running through my veins,
look down upon my wrist as the rain outside is pouring,
thumping upon the roof top as i realize i have taken the last of many lanes.

I step down upon my blood incrusted floor,
and walk out to the world beyond my own,
i open up the door,
and step out into the unknown.

Say good morning to everyone around,
with that fake smile pasted upon my face,
this is the only happiness i have found,
trying so hard to end this vigorous race.

Get ready for the day ahead of me,
go to school to see my friends,
but all through the day i am thinking of the part where i get to go home and hold the razor blade in my hands, trying so hard to be free,
i wonder when this will all end.

Go to cheerleading after school,
trying to keep the smile on my lips,
all the while thinking about tonights brand new blood pool,
as my blood drips.

Go home and wait until the right time comes along,
lock my door and sit on my bed,
finally having something that feels right and not wrong,
but never actually ending up dead.

This time i cut as deep as the razor blade is willing to go,
hoping for the best and no more life that is fiction,
here comes the end that no one knows about,
and it all started with a sweet addiction.

© Jenna Elphick
December 26, 2004