Dont want to cut........

I feel like i could fly right now,
i feel like i could soar,
i feel like i could float away somehow,
knowing soon ill hit the floor.

theirs some things in life that dont make sense,
and other things that do,
but the thing that is most clear to me,
is how much i hate you.

so i pick up the shiny blade,
and put it to my wrist,
their is no blood at all today,
cause this story has a twist.

theirs no blood where is the blood?!?!?
didn't i do it right?
Ive been doing this for 11 months...
did i do it too light?

a second later i realized it,
i didn't do it at all...
i couldn't, i just wouldn't bleed,
theirs no need for this at all.

so from the basement i do trudge,
upstairs to give up the blade,
i go to throw it away now,
but then i see moms face.

i hate it when she catches me,
i hate it thats shes there,
but this time she embraces me,
and shows me that she cares.

i love you she says,
i love that your so strong,
no mom no! i push her away,
you've got it all wrong!

the fact that i even had it,
and held it in my hand,
will make me worse,
i should have used the rubber band!

no,no hunnie she gently says,
just tell me one thing of your strife,
do you or do you not want to cut?
if so ill give you the knife.

no mom, i warmly say,
i will tell you what,
just hold me here cause i love you,
and i don't want to cut.

thanks for reading, i think I'm getting better!