Christmas with Jamie

Walking past lonely cold stones
With this dark inside my heart
In the distance I can see your little light
And I wonder how we got this far apart

I know each crack in every step I take
Filled with the sadness of my tears
How can time heal the pain I feel
When its already been so many years

I can still remember the smell of your skin
The softness of your hair
I can hold your photo in my hands
Shut my eyes and I am there

Cradling you in my arms my darling
Trying to wish you warm
Praying you’d just open your eyes
To help me deal with this storm

I know I’m not a good person
But as I take my candle out to light
And place it on your stone my darling
It feels like too much of a fight

My hands are shaking from the cold
The sun is setting fast
I bend to touch your name in gold
To try to heal at last

The snow begins to fall harder now
And your candle flame starts the dance
My Christmas day ritual here
I perform in my sorrowful trance

I say your name again and again
Kiss the cold ground where you lie
Promise myself that I will cope
That one day I’ll try to say goodbye

I can’t bring myself to walk away yet though
As the wetness soaks through to my skin
I can’t bring myself to let you rest in peace
I can’t even seem to begin

Hot wet tears drip from my face
Making their own little patterns in the snow
Until next Christmas my baby boy
Mummy loves you, now its time to go

So with my heavy heart I turn to leave
Into the darkness of this sad night
One last look through the lonely stones
To see your candle light