Forget

This is one of my older poems, so naturally it's going to have some or many areas that need work, though my word choice in some areas may seem akward to people it's more something that you have to read repeatedly in order to get. Well that's my thought's anyway.

"I realize how blundered
to bring an end to game "
those two lines are a bit jumbled, I would add a few more words in to help them make sense
(eg.
I realize how I blundered
and brought an end to this game )

"the pain was only ally
against the swarm of feeling
that slowly took my site "
1. the first line should have a "my" somewhere in there in my opinion
2. the last word of the last line seems to be a strange choice. I can't tell if you mean like a website site, or a place site, or if you meant seeing SIGHT. I think the last one makes the most sense. If you meant either of the other onces, I'd use the word "place"

"corrupt one to my hate
never meant to touch you "
-corrupt one WITH my hate seems better
-i think you should start the second sentence with an "I"

the last stanza seemed a bit jumpy to me too, but I think you can keep it that way for effect.

I hope you didn't mind the honest criticism, and if you did, then go ahead and disregard it.
Best of luck,
Sean Allen