New Year, New Fear

I know this very long but i had to write out my fears, this is just what came.

New years eve,
A time for new starts,
Maybe one of happiness?
When from me my blood will not part,

My three angels,
So strong, so true,
So loving and caring,
New starts for them too,

My shining star,
Thinking of me?
Thinking in this new year,
Together for it we'll be?

Maybe the new year,
For my three angels,
Will be without me,
And happier for themselves,

Maybe the new year,
For my shining star,
Will be dumping me,
Leaving me afar,

On-line buddies,
Jes, Mary, Sammy,
Dani and the rest,
Will they all be happy?

Will everyone forget?
Their once loving friend,
One that said,
She'd be there to the end,

The one who cause,
Both pain and tears,
After cutting her wrist,
Trying to release her fears,

Or will they embrace me,
With warm, happy hearts,
Forgetting their pasts,
With their great new starts,

The fireworks are banging,
The new year has just come,
New tears i start crying,
God, what will become?

I'm scared, I'm shaking,
And for once i know why,
I know why these tears,
Of deep sadness i cry,

It's because I'm scared,
I'll loose it all,
All that has lifted my high,
Now I've further to fall,

My baby that took me,
And loved me so,
If he leaves me now,
I'll have nowhere to go,

Luce, my mate,
The golden hearted,
If i loose her,
My first angel, I've parted,

Jo, my rock,
What can i say,
If i loose her,
I've lost my way,

Lis, pure halo,
The one so hurt,
They all are,
But she seems somehow worse,

If i loose her,
My hope has gone,
For she is the one,
She kept my strong,

Three of them,
They stood by me while i cried,
They held my hand,
When my soul, it died,

Someone tell me,
What will i do?
If i loose my angels,
How will i get through,

Someone tell me,
How will i live?
If i loose my best friend, my boyfriend,
So much to him i have yet to give,

God can you again find my once tortured soul,
See the things that made me whole,
In short, i need my four best friends,
How can i keep them past this end?

For this new year has come,
And i fear,
Losing these things,
I hold so dear,

On-line buddies that helped me then,
If they leave me can i "Pull Through" again?

My three angels, standing tall,
Without them how hard will i fall?

My bright, loving, shining star,
Without my baby will i stray afar?

Will i take up my knife once more?
Didn't i already close that door?

But when a new year starts with tears,
A new year brings, haunting, unwanted fears.

*All comments and votes greatly appreciated as always.*