All I want is to stop this cold,
That makes me feel so alive,
So that I can let myself die inside,
Then the outside shall not survive.
I need to let any emotion I have,
Be blocked from entering my heart,
I need to let all my feelings out,
Using poems and my deadly art.
Then my thoughts can become utterly dark,
And I’ll have no distractions,
I can plan ways to hurt and torment,
Not need excuses for my actions.
I have already started to let the light fade,
That gives me any hope of an end,
So now I just need to build a wall around my soul,
Smile and just pretend.
They’ll not have a clue,
Till the day I decide to take my life away,
But by then they’ll think I died happily,
Or even that someone else did slay.
They won’t know that this is what I’ve longed for,
For so long in my pointless life,
They don’t know that my dreams have changed so much,
They’ve been consumed with death and that shining knife.
They still think I’m that lonely little girl,
That was a dreamer and so dam shy,
They should realise that I just choose,
To hide from them and not reply.
I am not the person they know,
And it’s far too late to heal,
So now all there is to do is put out the light,
Then the release of death I can feel.
