Its all my fault

Everyday i wait in hope for what could never be
that all the things from my past never happened to me
i just wish that my past would disappear
im waiting for the day when someone wipes my slate clear
after so many years why is it coming back now?
why does my past bother me and make me ponder how
how could i be so damn stupid , i just cannot see
what kind of sick am i to let it happen to me?