My Life

So many emotions inside me,
I cant control my pain,
None of my feelings are happy,
That’s why i let the blood flow from my Veins.
I’ve had to put on a fake smile,
and pretend everything’s ok,
Since the 12 months that i left my friends,
Nothings been the same.
I’ve been stabbed in the back by a so called "friend",
She went out with my ex she knew i hated,
I told her what he did to me,
But regardless she carried on dating.
Then i happened to fall in love,
But of course i recked that too,
I cheated on the person that meant the world to me,
Even though my love was true.
Then mums cancer test came back positive,
And i didn’t know what to do,
I was angry and messed up,
Id lost faith in God too.
Then i lost my virginity,
To a guy i now hate,
He never spoke to me again,
I was ready for my fate.
Id walk past people i didn’t know at school,
They’d call me a slt straight to my face,
Every single person knew,
my life was such a waste.
I finally broke down to my parents,
I told them what happened and how i felt,
I told them i wanted to die.
They told me i needed help.
Then all my \\\"so called friends\\\",
Wrote me a letter saying how much they hated me,
They said id changed to much,
The real reason, Im just unhappy.
Then the counsellor pulled me out of school,
For the last month of my 4th form year,
I felt as if i was screaming for help,
But know one seemed to care.
I started drinking every weekend,
I felt i was going out of control,
I didn’t care who took advantage of me,
I hated every person in this hole.
I started becoming suicidal,
Scars all up my wrist,
I didn’t do any thing wrong,
So why is life like this?
Things slowly started changing,
I got accepted into Tauranga girls high,
I don’t have to go back to that bullshit school,
I don’t have to hide behind my lies.
Then i met my gorgeous boyfriend,
The only person that i could trust,
I told him how i felt,
I knew it was more than lust.
He seemed perfect in my eyes,
More than anyone else did,
Until i found out his ex girlfriend,
Was pregnant with his kid!
I knew it was to good to be true,
Nothing could be perfect for me,
Its like Im not suppose to be here,
Like God wants to set me free,
free from this world of hate and lies,
Free from this depression and pain,
Why cant i just be happy?
I don’t want these other feelings to remain.
I guess there’s nothing i can do,
Except put on a fake smile Every day,
So people don’t see the real me,
And see that Im not ok.
So ill carry on with my life,
Faking who i have to be,
Fooling everybody else,
Except most importantly...Me

Please comment and vote i know its long but its all true i have had the worst year of my life and this was the only way i could express my pain there is alot more but il save that for another poem thanks xxx