The Girl I Know As Me

I silently sit and watch the stars
Up in the dark night sky
I silently sit and watch
The world pass me by

Every day I look
In the mirror and want to die
I wipe my cheeks
As the tears flow from my eyes

Why am I still here
What do I need to do
I don't know anything anymore
I can't seem to stay true

The monster inside of me
Is slowly winning its game
I've got nothing to lose
And nothing to gain

Soon I'll be nothing
And I'll be forgotten
I'm sorry for all the times
That Ive been rotten

I just want to get away
I cant wait to be free
I want to get away
From this girl I know as me

Each day I kneel
By my bed and pray
That some day everything
Will be okay

I know Ill never
Be the girl I was before
I cant stand the hurting
In my heart anymore

Each day I start to place
My fingers down my throat
But I stop and think
Of what my friend wrote

She has bulimia
And it seems like it will never end
Even though she knows
How much it is hurting her friends

Then my thoughts wander
Of popping a pill
Then for once
The world might stand still

Instead I seem
To break down and cry
Thats how I end up
Wondering why

So I sit here
And watch the world slowly turn
Knowing exactly what it is
That I yearn

I know I cant have him
But I still want him to be mine
Too bad I have to take a number
And wait in line

I know I love him
But I know we will never be
Simply because
Hes not in love with me

I don't care anymore
And I want to give up my fight
I don't seem to care anymore
About whats wrong or right

Even if he loved me
We couldn't be together
Although I know Ill love him
Always and forever

But I want the pain
Inside of me and my mind
To leave me alone
And get left behind

Because the tears and heartbreak
Aren't worth it any longer
I want to have
Nothing to ponder

I want the misery and pain
To leave me alone
I want to be able
To talk on the phone

My heart is in my throat
Wanting to burst out
Just like the voice within me
That wants to shout

I want to get away
I don't like being me
I want to break the mirror
Because I don't like what I see

I see a girl
Who is pathetic and lies
I see a girl
Wiping the tears from her eyes
I see a girl
Who wants to give up her fight
I see a girl
Who hates being right
I see a girl
That cant be strong
I see a girl
Who cant tell right from wrong
I see a girl
All alone on earth
I see a girl
Not knowing what shes worth
I see a girl
I know I hate
I see a girl
Who doesn't know her own mates
I see a girl
Who's trying to reach out
I see a girl
Who doesn't know what life's about
I see a girl
Wanting to get free
But mainly I see
The girl I know as me

© ShatteredAngel 2005