What It Is

This pain deep inside me,
Keeps growing everyday,
I can't stand the fighting,
I'm slipping away...

Sad are the tears,
That steam down my face,
Happy become my thoughts,
As I imagine I'm in some other place...

Desperate is my heart,
To find where I belong,
Weary is my soul,
From searching for that place so long...

Terrified is how I feel,
To listen to my mind,
Because my thoughts lately,
Are only to myself cruel and unkind...

Ashamed is the feeling,
I place down on me,
For not being the person,
Everybody wants me so badly to be...

Too outgoing is what I am,
Is what some people say,
Others just comment,
I get too carried away...

Irresponsible are my actions,
As some people see,
To others its just,
The fact that I'm me...

Confused is what I am,
About how I really feel,
Because I want to be myself again,
The way I'm acting isn't real...

Loving is what I used to be,
A fun and caring child,
But those are the older days,
Before things got too wild...

Smart is what I once was,
Until I found the wrong crowd,
Doing all the wrong things,
That I wasn't supposed to be allowed...

Disgusted am I,
Of my actions and lies,
Painful are the tears,
That fall from my eyes...

Burning with shame,
No pride can be found,
My head won't be held high,
It will face towards the ground...

Limited are my thoughts,
As to how I really feel,
I'm playing games with my mind,
I wish I knew what was the deal...

Tired is my body,
Of fighting where to go,
My true direction,
I may never know...

Sick is my mind,
Of throwing feelings around,
Tossing and turning,
No solutions to be found...

Incomplete is my life's puzzle,
Missing pieces scattered here and there,
When will I be complete with all the pieces,
I wish I knew when and where...

Torn is my heart,
From family, friends, and love,
Mixed are my emotions,
Towards all of the above...

Doubtful is my conscience,
Of finding an answer to please me,
Unending are the questions,
That will not let me be...

Finished is what I am,
I have no more to say,
I guess it doesn't matter,
Nobody seems to care anyway...