In the Eye of the Beholder

by Leah20   Jan 6, 2005


The city had crumbled
To much sadness locked inside
Underneath the ruins
Her painting was to hide

It was there to remain
Until eternity found its end
Until the master it searched for
Had been found again

The painting was of a girl
Made by the blood cried out through her wrists
Now lost under ancient debris
Never to be missed

Except by the soul screaming her story

It was found in the ruins
Of the great, lost city
Underneath the tarnish of pollution
Was a beauty left to see

Found was the painting
Of a solitary soul
This is the point of which
Our story does unfold

She was a lost girl
Screaming to be seen
Trying to escape the painting
And her life, so unserene

Buried under coats of paint
And stories left untold
A young girl was shivering
Too many times she had been left in the cold

So lonley was she
So torn was her heart
So she decided
To put her sadness into art

Now when the layers
Of this seemingly happy girl fall
Underneath the tarnish
Her face seams to call

Help me,
I regret what I've done
Please forgive me,
I ended my life too young
Save me,
I'm falling faster everyday
Please listen,
I'm asking you to stay

The painting of the great,
Yet terrible beauty
Has unfolded
Her secrets have been unlocked
In the painting she looked so happy
Until they had seen underneath the layers which she had covered her sadness with
The twists have been unwound
Her Tarnished face exposed
The truth has been found

Her soul and body united
No longer does she scream
The painting of the lonley girl
Now appears serene
But will anyone ever know
That she had done this to herself
That for years she had hidden
Underneath the layers
Finally to emerge
Only when
They found the painting

Suicide is not the answer
She found this out the hard way
Now that she's commited this heinous crime
All she wants is to stay

Suicide is not the answer
You never know what lies beneath
Even you cannot see inside your own soul
Even to you it's out of reach

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Hold this quote close your heart
Or you will end up like her
Become your own dark piece of art

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by Amilo

    Hello again! I'd have to say that this poem improved a bunch since the first time I commented... it's much more developed and descriptive - you've done a nice job revising it...

    Although.. I think your structure is too inconsistent... the "Except by the soul screaming her story".. wasn't really needed, and I think it would improve had you organize the stanzas better.. like the first few stanzas...

    But, I absolutely love the last stanza.. bravo on that!!

    Bravo on improving the poem to what it is now - I'm sorry if my comments are a bit nit-picky.. feel free to ignore them.. :)

  • 19 years ago

    by Amilo

    Yes, it is a bit cleared up now.. however, I'm not sure if you should've put the prolouge lines and separated it like such. I like the prolouge itself, but some how it doesn't seem to flow.. kind of like a chopped up story. Also, the other parts of it are still a bit confusing.. you move from one structure of rhyming to the next, and it's never consistent. After the second stanza after the prolouge, the structure isn't organized into stanzas at all.. keep working on it and I'm sure it'll be great when you're done.

  • 19 years ago

    by Amilo

    fascinating poem... I like it.

    I'm kind of confused, though... what does the city being in ruins have anything to do with the painting and the girl's suicide?? I mean, not only is this set in a lost city, it's also about a girl who commited suicide IN that city.. That detail isn't really needed, and the poem wouldn't altered a bit if it was removed... although I guess it does create a mysterious feeling..

    I've read endless amounts of poetry about suicide.. only 1/8 of which I comment on. This one is pretty unique, compared to all the others. Yet it can be improven by making it be more developed and elaborated. The poem just seems to tell me that a girl painted a painting which, if looking closer, reveals her suicidal sides. Oh, and she lives in a lost city. How about describing how she painted it? Where was the painting? What did she paint?
    Sometimes I get the feeling that it's a girl IN the painting.. but other times I wonder... like in this line..

    "To put her sadness into art".. shows me that perhaps SHE painted something. So it's kind of unclear in that sense.

    So my basic suggestions is to make it more developed .. I feel like it's not finished completely..

    otherwise, I thought it was good.

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