Suicidal

I've been walking around for many days going through the motions we call life.
I can never seem to keep up no matter how fast i stride.
Today it all came tumbling down crushing any part of my soul that was still there.
Why was I dealt these card, does God actually think I can handle this, its just not fair.
I'm just not strong enough to bare this weight on my shoulders another day.
I'm close to the edge, ready to soar, fall to the earth and just lay.
Then I won't have to carry another load for my travels will be fully done.
I'll be leaving my family and my friends, for a place so hot but yet no sun.
I weigh the choices in my head, as the tears start to stream down.
I have nothing to live for, nothing to smile about, so i just frown.
I close my eyes, my hands are shaking, my heart is so low.
I open the cap, grab my water and start to drink real slow.
One after the other, each becomes harder and harder to swallow.
I see pictures in my head of my little sister, and wonder who she'll follow.
Suddenly I spit the pills out of my mouth and begin to throw up the rest.
I'm choosing to wake up tomorrow with a fresh start and give everything my best.
It was a stupid idea anyway, i have so much more to live and see.
I 'm gonna take a deep breath, start brand new tomorrow I'm not going to leave.