Restless Misery

Running miles
Inside my head
On the surface, it’s all smiles
But inside, something’s dead

Thoughts racing too deep
Aching stomach, pleading
I lie there, unable to sleep
Watching my cuts bleeding

Wondering about life and death
How the final moment would feel
That one last breath
To escape what’s real

So many questions bouncing about
I toss and turn with the pain
It builds up … I want to shout
But my cry would be in vain

For there’s no one
To pull me out, but my self
A little girl, lost and dumb
Scarring her health

Body and mind I ache
Bleeding through every pore
Wondering when I will break
Cos I can’t take this anymore

I know death is not what I ache for
Just sleep, never ending peace
Just to not feel this agony anymore
Maybe death is the only way to find release

Self harm is only a minute at a time
I need so rest for so much longer
Do I want to wake? No. Not to this mind
Whatever doesn’t kill me, doesn’t make me stronger

I only grow weaker each day
Slipping to wards insanity
Watching the last threads of life fall away
Waiting to decide … will I kill me?

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005