Alive but not living

I look at my life,
and the way things have come to be.
and i realize I'm no one,
just an outer image for others to see.

sometimes i think to myself,
what if i weren't here?
things would most likely be better,
others would have nothing to fear.

for i would not have to cause such hurt,
that i am aware i cause each day.
my friends and family and those i love,
would be far better off this way.

i wish i could be someone I'm not,
someone who's warm, caring, and giving.
but i know that I'm not and never will be,
so although I'm alive, it's as though I'm not living.

i often dream of a better world,
where people are as happy and pleasant as can be.
but when i look at those who are there,
the only one missing is me.

i have concluded that i am the problem,
the one causing all of this pain.
as long as I'm here everyone will be hurting,
the world will have nothing to gain.

one day i will just disappear,
the world can be happy at last.
for no one will know i even exist,
i have no present, future or past.