Nearly six feet under

I remember digging
Digging my own grave,
Pushing myself deeper
Too late for them to save.
Cuts tearing my skin apart
and my blood running thick,
Feeling hurt and sad
And so dreadfully sick.
Making it hard for myself to want to live,
Making it impossible to forget and forgive.
I was a constant reminder of my own reality
I looked in the mirror and all I could see
was the pain
the hurt
the cuts
the lies,
the jealousy,
the blood,
the stupid and unwise
mistakes that I made
the stuff I have done,
The people I lost
and there is lots more than one.
I hated myself
I hated my life
I hate my part in all of this strife.

But then something happened,
I disregarded the pain
Then the happiness came back again.
Then I remember looking
looking at myself,
feeling glad for life,
and my precious health.
Cuts were there
But they were declining,
I could finally see the silver lining!
I can’t believe I nearly took my existence,
and threw it away
When now I smile
every single day.

If I had of killed myself
it would’ve been a huge blunder,
But I’ll never forget,
almost being six feet under.