They Want Me To Be Me Now

I am bitter, I am broken
I ask for no pity for I know
That I deserve none of it
I don’t want to let the real me show

So long I hurried along
Swept in my own fairytale
Smiling forever on end
When inside I was so frail

It’s my fault: I lingered too long
Reluctant to see childhood was gone
Now faced with choices and reality
I know my little game can’t carry on

What am I, without my disguise?
I am something under your shoe
An ugly mess that should be thrown out
I want to say, I was never like you

Perhaps in the moment I was born
For that short time I was the same
But fate inflicted it’s anger upon me
And I learnt to hide my pain

But now, my 18th birthday looms
Every day it comes closer still
I feel so much pressure to choose
My dreams forgotten: fantasies I can’t fulfill

Where do I go from here?
How do I explain how nervous I am inside
On my face, I’m smiling, reverted back three years,
But I know, I know the world won’t let me hide.

© Copyright Sharon Ardern 2005