Forgiven somehow

Just because I'm wrong.
doesn't mean I'm never right.
But you have never seen,
Me in so much terrible fright.
Except that day,
we were in the car,
you were driving me home
from my best friends house afar.
You called me on their phone,
yelling in their ears,
And i sat alone
on the porch with many tears.
knowing in my mind,
that soon you would be here.
To take me away
to that place i hate to go.
The place where i look into your eyes,
and feel oh quite low.
I was young,
and every time you hit,
I remembered feeling lonely,
and on you i wanted to spit.
Because thats all the strength
that i had inside to do.
I'd have to hide the marks on me
when i went into school.
then one day i didn't participate in gym.
They called you, and i started to wimp.
"Why did you have to call dad!?"
In my heart, i became very sad.
The only reason i didn't do well in class,
is because when i was changing,
i didn't want people to see the bruises all over my back.
I saved you ... in a way.
because if the teacher would have found out,
To jail.. you would have been on your way.
But everything i did then was wrong.
And only writing about it,
makes me feel that much more strong.
Knowing i survived everything that you did do.
But now, father.
Ive forgiven you.
I cant hold that evil bearing in my head,
but i still do think,
you were better off dead.
And mommy was always the one to hold me.
Telling me that "Its gonna OK Courtney"
But now, your gone.
out of my life,
the only time i talk to you
is when we want to argue about an old fight
you say that you were sorry,
and you didn't mean to do those things you did.
But you knew i was hurt then,
And still... i hid.
I'm a woman,
and much stronger now.
But I'm not as week as you.
And Ive forgiven you somehow.