I'm sorry im an embarresment

I’m sick of being compared to her
She’s not all that great,
I try to live up to her standards
But by then she’s higher and I’m too late.

I’m sick of being told
My sister is better than I,
It’s partly because of her
That I want to die.

I don’t understand
How she’s so much better than me,
And it won’t be until I’m dead
That they’ll hear my desperate plea.

I'm sorry that I’m useless
And an embarrassment as your child
I’m sorry I’m not a straight a student
And that I like to be wild

Is it because of these things?
You tried to give me away
I was such a fool
To want to stay

Is it because she’s so much prettier?
Or because she gets a better grade?
I know I won’t be noticed
Until I truly fade.

And so as I take my razor blade
And hold it to my wrist
And with tears filling up my eyes
I know it’s her that put me to this

I lay in bed watching my blood
Stream down my hand,
I start to get sleepy
And drift off to another land.

A land where I’m happy
And there’s no need to compare
As we’re all equally wanted
And the spotlight we share.

It’s a place where
I never again see red
It seems so perfect
Being dead

Never again do I have to hear
How disappointed they are in me
And never again do I have to pretend
To be something I don’t want to be

At my funeral
My family exclaims,
“Christy would never do this,
Oh the shame”.

But for those few seconds
They notice me
To think all that it took
Was to be atlast set free?