All the hurt

My entire life I have always been a follower.
now I don\\\'t know what I am,
I have been through the worst times in my life

I have been raped once,
melested twice, I have had so many heart breaks that I just can\\\'t count

I wisht they would all suffer,

this year I meet someone I thought that I could spend my high school years with and love him more that I do now

he broke my heart for another girl
I haven\\\'t cut in almost four months and he cause me enough pain to do it again

he knows that I do it and he tells me he cares,
but how am I supposed to know that when he told me he never \\\"truly\\\" loved me.

I have 48 letters from him telling me how much he loves me,
except one of those he tells me he never loved me

that he chooses this other girl ashlee over me,
I don\\\'t know what to do

now I\\\'m so confused,
now every time I get mad at my mom hurt my self and it helps,
the thing is she said that she would help when she found out,

but did she no. she jus forgot about it, and here I am she doesn\\\'t know that I still do it.

when I first started to do it,
my mom told my grandmother and she cried and cried.

she wanted me to come stay with her,
and get away from my step-dad who criticizes me on how look.

he tells me that I\\\'m fat and now I\\\'m really fat.

I\\\'m really close to taking my life because of all the hurt.

*I\\\'m sorry if this doesn\\\'t rime but i just needed to get this out*