Without A Smile

Asphyxiating the words I want to say
Drowning in tears with no reason
Devouring the passion I once found
Loosing precious friends throughout the season.

My ears are tired of hearing "hate"
My eyes are sore of seeing glares
My mouth dries of morbid yells
Whilst my hands, dirty, of guilty affairs.

This mess is like a deadly maze
Yet there seems to be no escape
I'm lost in a spiral of confusion
All because of the feelings, the words, I've raped.

Forget about resolution, I'll isolate my mind
It'd be a closed winter in this summery feel
I'll never receive an ounce of pain
Though bones will break, skin will peel.

I will disintegrate into their mere memories
Traces of a once gleeful friend
Maybe I cannot socially fix this
But alone in my mind; wounds can mend.

So my expression will be deprived of a smile
And the icy words I write will darken
It is my fault so I will be a cage
I am the one who made this happen.

How can words of detest be so cruel?
Like a fire alight, burning my heart
Another slap of vibrant, offensive abuse
Will tear my damaged soul apart.

Once I was a fighter, once so strong
Or was it just a fantasy belief?
I could beam, smile, laugh out loud
But now... I just feel emotional grief.

A poisoned heart can never truly change
Memories of stupidity will never erase
Unlike them, I will not wear a mask
Are they happy now? There's no smile on MY face.